In my last campaign message, I changed out my usual Prez 47 graphic. My campaign logo was replaced with a photo of a young lady from Unsplash. Let me tell you how the campaign has changed for the better.
I have posted about 12 campaign articles on Politically Speaking. I will summarize the stats for three of them.
In terms of “chuckles per paragraph,” my “Four Days in the White House” is at the top of the list. An unnamed editor from Politically Speaking (who admits he doesn’t like other people to know he cusses once in a while) replied to me in a private message, “Dave, this is so f*#)@{g funny.” This article is definitely my best work in political satire.
“Four Days” had 38 views, 15 reads, and 10 fans. It put $0.82 in the campaign coffers.
Two campaign messages ago, I had another funny message to deliver. Not as good as “Four Days,” but Banning definitely worth the time for those who enjoy political humor:
“Banning” had 36 views, 12 reads, and 8 fans. It put $2.02 in the campaign coffers.
Announcing the Secretary of Cleavage
My last campaign message was, in my opinion, far from my best work. Not so funny, not so original, a little short. I would put this message in the bottom quartile, maybe even in last place of my Prez 47 articles. But this message had the same picture as you see on this article.
“Announcing” had 122 views, 46 reads, and 9 fans. It put $2.74 in the campaign coffers.
And the Winner is . . .
Uncanny how my worst article gets the best results. The obvious conclusion was that this young lady has a natural political appeal. I need to give her a higher profile in my campaign.
So I have nominated her as my vice-presidential running mate. She does not have to pay the $5,000 fee to get this position.
With the increase in traction between my last and second last article (because of this young lady’s photo), giving her a higher profile as my vice-president, and 137 weeks of campaigning left, my political exponential math says I should collect 387,891,003 votes in November 2024.
With this young lady as my political sidekick, I will be a definite shoe-in for the job. All the gerrymandering, voter suppression, and electoral college rules cannot overturn that result. I dare the two main parties take me to election court and prove election fraud!
The trouble is that the young lady from Unsplash is unknown. Who is she? Where does she live? I don’t know. She could be working in a convenience store or an elementary school teacher somewhere in this great nation of ours. But she now has been called to be the vice president.
So I charge all loyal readers of Dave Volek for Prez 47 to keep an eye out for her. When you find her, let her know of the great honor and responsibility that has been bestowed upon her.
But Why Prez 48?
You may have noticed that the title of this article is about the 48th president of the United States, not the 47th! Why did I write this title?
Because my presidency will unite the Democrats and Republicans to impeach and convict me of treason for breaking the traditional two-party hegemony of the USA; I am only expecting about 18 months on the job. It will take that long for these two blundering parties to get their act temporarily together. I will be turfed out of the White House (again). But I will accomplish many great things in those 18 months.
After my departure, this young lady will take over the big job. More great things are likely to follow with her natural skills when she gets the position. The proven increase in my Medium traction shows we can trust her — even though we don’t know her yet.
There is another reason
I have been trying to get some traction from the younger generations in the USA — about my alternative democracy. Being a boomer, I’m just not in the right circles to reach this group. My music tastes are from the 70s (and Meatloaf died). Windows XP is the best operating system ever. QR codes are more confounding than the Book of Revelation. And I don’t have a tattoo.
Most of my lukewarm fan base seems to come from the boomer generation. You know, the old coots, the ones who have screwed things up big time while they were in charge. Climate change, economic disparities, recessions, silly wars, the rise of political leaders with bigger shoe sizes than their IQs, etc., etc., and etc. Yep, these are our accomplishments after 40 or 50 years of our hard political work.
Despite our screwups, we old coots still want other old coots in public office. Go figure.
If the young people get power, they just might tax the hell out of our retirement privileges that helped put our great nation into great debt. We can’t let the young people into any high positions, can we?
We old coots have skillfully taught young people that they can change things by:
1. Voting
2. Protesting
3. Writing political articles and posting them on the internet.
That has worked better for us than for them, hasn’t it?
Yes, I will be an old coot when I assume Prez 47. But my plan is to pass the torch to a much younger person: Ms. Unsplash!
Well, I’m letting go of the reins. Other old coots should do the same. Last fall, I put together two Medium articles asking all old coots to let the young people in their lives know about an alternative democracy.
Not one of my lukewarm fans did this. No old coot wants to give young people any new ideas about any new democracy. Instead, we just tell them to vote, protest, and write internet articles. We have trained them too well.
Can you imagine if a few young people get hold of this new democracy? They could have this new system built by the time they are 40 years old! They would have that kinder, wiser democracy all of us yearn for.
Starting today, young Americans could have something positive to do: building this new democracy. It only requires about 10 hours a month of volunteer time. The young ones will show the world how this new democracy is done! That’s better than letting them read the political doomposters all day, isn’t it?
I already know my lukewarm fans aren’t going to promote this new democracy. I already know they are going to try their best to keep it secret from the young people.
So my new plan is to set up Ms. Unsplash as the 48th President of the United States. I get impeached and convicted; she takes over! That’s how we’ll get some new thinking in Washington! God bless the US Constitution.
In the Meantime
1. Search for this young lady. Maybe she works in a grocery store or in a radio station or a hospital. Maybe she lives in Akron, Ohio; St. Petersburg, Florida; Yakima Washington: She could be anywhere. She has a natural talent for better politics.
2. Send money to my campaign. When enough money comes in, I will hire private detectives to find her. We need her political abilities.
3. Vote for me and Ms. Unsplash in 2024. Remember, she has a proven natural talent for politics.
4. But first donate some money to my campaign.
Things could be worse.
Addendum
This article finished with 560 views, 88 reads, and $18.94. Yep, this young lady has potential to save America! As of February 2024, she has not been found.
Published on Medium 2022
