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Prez 47: Medium is financing my presidential campaign

When not campaigning, I spend half of my Medium time reading all the those get-rich-quick articles on Medium. One technique highly recommended is to write something every day. The other half of my Medium time is spent on reading motivational articles. With these two psychological forces playing havoc on my brain cells, my newly acquired inner motivational speaker could only say, “Dave, you can do this! Write an article every day. You can make lots of money.”

After 32 months of being on Medium, I finally decided to give the big Medium computer my banking information: I joined the MPP. It’s quite hard to get rich on Medium without MPP. Has anyone noticed that “MPP” kind of looks like “666”?

Writing one article a day! And all the money would go to my presidential campaign. With all the optimism the motivational speakers say I should muster, I saw myself in a Learjet, hopping from American city to American city, politicking away. A Learjet is just what an aspiring president needs to look aspiring.

So I wrote 49 articles in 54 days. Or maybe it was 54 articles in 49 days. It’s hard for this 62-year-old to remember exact details.

Anyways, this Medium campaign generated two whopping royalty checks for a grand total of $31.38 for October and November. Maybe I can pay someone to check the tire pressure on my Learjet.

However, my timing was bad. Medium was experimenting with a new algorithm. My usual traction was reduced by two-thirds in this time period. I would have made about $90 in the good old days. I could have got oil levels on my Learjet checked as well.


I heard rumors that a top writer on Medium was complaining about having his usual $18,000 a month royalty reduced by two-thirds as well. It’s nice to know Medium treated everyone fairly in this time of experimental transition.

Many Medium writers, including the top writer, were talking about leaving Medium until things were straightened out. The threat must have worked. My last few articles were getting their usual coverage, which is about 0.0033% of the top writer.

The top writer is back on my feed even though I don’t follow him. I’m so thankful. I wonder if he is following me.

And still conservatives wonder why socialism is so attractive to some of us.


Maybe I Had a Bad Topic

Most of my 49 or 54 or 62 articles were about an alternative democracy, something to replace our current versions of democracy. You know, the kind of democracy that found Mr. Trump to run the show.

Admittedly, this alternative democracy is just pure satire as we know there really is no point in any of us spending 10 hours a month to start building this new system. Like the Founding Fathers only wrote the Constitution of the United States because they were bored—because there were no movies or football games to watch. No golf courses to play that silly game in those days. No video games on the iPhone either. So, our current recreations force us to stay with this system from 1789, even though the rules will soon be rigged so that the Republicans can never lose.

It's a strange world. 


Orwell vs. Asimov

Four articles went clearly above average in this campaign. Two of them were my commentary of two famous writers: George Orwell and Isaac Asimov:


The Orwell Ratio

Asimov, Foundation, & Democracy


So far, the score is $2.47 for Orwell to $8.51 for Asimov.

Need I remind everyone that Orwell is playing for “Team Politically Speaking,” which is a Medium publication dedicated to the enlightened discourse on democracy. And Asimov is playing for “Team Tiered Democratic Governance,” which is a Medium pub by some crackpot advocating for a new democracy when the current one is obviously working quite fine. If you want Team Politically Speaking to take the trophy and not give the crackpot any credence, you know what to do! The Orwell vs. Asimov game is not yet over. Remember, the royalties are going to a great cause.


Sex

Sex is supposed to sell well on Medium. But even my second sex article floundered its way to donating only $0.43 to the campaign coffers. Orwell and Asimov are better topics to earn Medium money. 



Lessons from Karate Class

I studied karate for a couple of years. I didn’t get very far, but nifty things were learned.

One lesson was that when an opponent lunges at you, do not try to stop him. Just deftly step aside. Give him a little assistance in the same direction he was going to send him face first into the wall behind you. Works like a charm.

So, as President #47, I am going to do a little karate footwork to give the formulating right-wing militias the fight they seem to be looking for. Instead of gathering them in Washington DC to beat up police officers, I will be gathering them in south Texas. Just like Prez #45 led his troops in an insurrection, I will lead the right-wing militias into battle to annex the Mexican province of Chihuahua. They can fight the drug lords there and bring a new state into the USA.

Just to make sure they do a good job, I’ll set up a little free enterprise competition. I will be gathering the left-wing militias to do battle with the drug lords of the Mexican province of Coahuila. Whichever side conquers their province and subjugates its people into Americans first gets all Dave Volek President 47 Medals of Extreme Patriotism! The medals will attract the easy girls.

Then I’ll build a wall and close the border. Screw the annexations. Keep the wingnuts on the outside.

The average IQ of the remaining Republican base should increase by 5 points with this move. Maybe we can work with them.

And Antifa can build that utopia they so desperately yearn for. But in Coahuila, not in the USA.


Conclusion

If you don’t want lefty and righty militias taking potshots at each other in your urban jungle, vote for me in 2024. I have a karate-like plan for both of them. But more importantly, send some money so I can get even more votes than the 18 votes that recent polls are suggesting.

Remember the Dave Volek Campaign for Prez #47 does not take donations from big multinational corporations. But I may be forced to do so later. It’s all in your hands.

Have a good holiday season. Wear a mask. Stay away from big parties.

Things could be worse.

Published on Medium 2022

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