When I signed the lease on my apartment, the landlord said, “Don’t try to be friendly with your neighbor below.” I didn’t take her advice.
As I was moving some stuff in, my neighbor was fumbling with her keys to get into her place. She looked about 70 years old. A bit overweight. Walked with a cane.
Growing up in rural Alberta, my family had association with all our neighbors. My mother and father would have friendly chats with farming neighbors two miles, north, south, east, and west of our farm. Some we socialized with. Others not so much. But we knew about each other quite a bit. We could count on their help if we needed it.
My third residence after leaving home had a community as well. My older neighbor, Buck Bean, was a broiler maker, which is a trade that repairs the insides of refinery towers. Buck was a union man through and through. He only worked three or four months a year. The wages for broiler makers were very good, but it’s hard, dirty work. Buck had lots of time to talk to anybody, including me and my university roommates. Through Buck, I met the Hungarian across the street. Next to the Hungarian was the Austrian. They didn’t like each other. But we listened to their stories. Buck was the center of our little community.
My next neighborhood in Edmonton had a proactive community leader. Kathleen got about eight households into a little friend unit. Different ages; different religions, different economic classes. Yet we enjoyed each other’s company. And that experience taught me a lot about being in a community. We don’t have to be best friends or live in each other’s pockets. Just be friendly and open to a little social time. We still had our other communities that were not so geographical.
So I took my life experience to my new neighborhood. “I’ll just introduce myself to this lady,” I thought. So I put on my best friendly neighbor face, slowly sauntered over with a friendly hello. She got her door open and slammed the door closed without ever making any eye contact with me. The landlord was right.
Since that encounter, I have remained undeterred to be friendly with my other neighbors. I can have a little chat with some of them, but we are far from a community.
We had our apartments inspected in early July. So I know my neighbor had contact with the landlord at that time.
Like many parts of the world this summer, my part went through a bit of a heat wave. Not a strong one; we have had worse. But still uncomfortable.
Since I moved in, I have often observed some activity in my neighbor’s apartment as I travelled from the parking lot to my apartment. Sometimes a light was on; sometimes CBC radio would play; sometimes our local golden oldies station; sometimes her small air conditioning unit was humming.
Then one night, I noticed nothing. I did not think much about it. But the next night and the night after: more nothing. “This is not usual,” I thought.
I somehow concluded, “She must be staying with a relative.” And that was that. I put my worries to rest.
Yesterday, I saw a tradesperson on the roof of my eight-unit building. He was checking the vents poking out of the roof. He also checked on the vents coming from the outside walls.
Two hours later, there were three police cars in the parking lot. I could see they were focused on my neighbor’s unit. That’s when I figured out 2+2=4. From my observations on her non-activity, she must have been dead for four or five weeks.
The police interviewed me. I told the story of her closing the door in my face. I said the only people I saw going to her place were the food delivery people.
I felt bad about the late discovery of her death. I saw the signs. I could have alerted the landlord a lot earlier. I could have even saved her life. Even though I am an overthinker, for some reason, my thinking came up short on the days when I noticed no activity.
Cleaning workers with hazmat suits came into my neighbor’s unit. They pulled out bags and bags of garbage. I saw lots of pizza boxes and fast-food trash. Later, they pulled out the furniture. Old, but still usuable. But I would not want it.
My landlord and I had a chat. I apologized for not being more on top of the situation. The landlord told me more of my neighbor’s story. She was the daughter of a prominent businessman in my town. She always had a little mental health problem. When she got into a car accident, her mental health became worse. She was estranged from her family. My landlord recognized the distress and tried to find some help for her. But that help was refused. She was 51 years old.
We are not a community. I have been wondering that if I had been making better connections with my other neighbors, I probably would have made the right realization of my neighbor’s plight in a more timely manner. We need other people to help keep us thinking straight.
At least my former neighbor got to spend her last years in a reasonable shelter. Maybe we, as a society, did some thing right after all.
Tiered Democratic Governance (TDG)
My community building skills have proven to fall short. Kathleen, my proactive neighbor in Edmonton, had limits to her abilities to bring people together.
I believe my alternative democracy will be a great tool for community building at the neighborhood level. Electoral units will be based on neighborhoods of about 200 residents. My apartment complex would be a natural TDG unit. Each year, neighbors will be voting for fellow neighbors. For those who take their TDG vote seriously, they need to have chats with their neighbors. With these chats, deeper relationships are likely to form. With deeper relationships, we have a geographical community that cares more about each other than they did before.
And having someone “in government” nearby will be another catalyst for community strength.
My deceased neighbor would not have likely bought into the TDG community. Her mental illness and isolationist nature were strong. But she would have had a few more people looking out for her. And having that silent and positive force around her, she just might have responded better to the outside world.
I’ve always thought a great side benefit to the TDG would be stronger geographical communities. And that is something we could all use — even if we don’t want it.
Each local TDG will start with a few neighbors — and grows from there. Just imagine if 25% of my neighborhood becomes more community oriented with their involvement with the TDG.
The TDG and neighborhoods becoming communities are made for each other.
Published on Medium 2023
