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Prez 47 Satire: Foreign Interference

?In my bid to become the 47th president of the USA, I have a new publicity stunt: I interfered in the US election in 2016. As a Canadian, I need to be sent to an American prison.

In 2016, I was on some other internet forums trying to promote my alternative system of democratic governance. I also was watching the Republican primaries, where I learned about John Kasich. He is a conservative who speaks conservative such that conservatism makes sense. I took a look at his Wiki article and found he has lots of political experience and not too much political baggage.

Then on one of those internet forums, I said something like:

John Kasich would make a good American president.

The statement went viral and found its way to many high places. Some powerful people and institutions took notice and thought, “This Canadian might be right,” which then led to, “We had better stop this guy,” with “this guy” meaning Mr. Kasich, not me. So secret meetings at high levels were held. These meetings directed CNN and MSNBC to put media focus on the buffoon who could never win the general election. So cameras and commentary were directed at the buffoon. And Mr. Kasich became a gray figure off to the side of the stage.

The non-electability of the buffoon then gave the Democratic National Congress a green light. It was no longer important to proffer up a high-quality candidate as a presidential nominee: even a fence post could beat the buffoon. So the DNC looked to a candidate who would cater to the needs of the back rooms of the DNC, an employee attribute that was somewhat lacking in Mr. Sanders. So, the DNC chose Mrs. Clinton, even though she came with a bit too much known political baggage. She was a good fence post.

As we now all know, that political plan did not turn out very well. But I was the one who set the wheels in motion. I am from Canada. I am a foreigner. I interfered in the American election. And I am more dangerous than all those Russian trolls.

So come all you Medium political writers. You take great pride in how you can bend the will of the political process of the USA from your keyboard. Start writing articles about how this Canadian interfered in the 2016 election and needs to be brought to justice. There must be 20 or 30 laws already on the books to get me extradited and put in jail. If it helps, I’ll even admit I broke the speed limit in Montana four years ago. Force some hearings in Congress where I will be the star witness on foreign interference.

When all of America’s TV cameras are on me, I will announce my candidacy for the 47th president of the USA. No escalator needed.

It all depends on you. Write those Medium articles! Get me in front of those Senate cameras! Then we’ll really change the USA.

Heck, I might even give you a cushy job in my White House. You could write a book about this experience and be set for life, financially speaking. No more meager payments from Medium.

Things could be worse.

Published on Medium 2021


Prez 47 Satire: Start

My Brush with Political Corruption